In the Land of Yolo
by Fictionary88
Summary: A very random story I put together with a stranger on Omegle.


In the mysterious dimensional chatting realm known as Omegle, a hippie had found a random stranger to speak to, and was about to create what may have been one of the best improv stories of all time. This is based on that day.

You're chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You and the stranger both like tumblr.

These are the words spoken by the realm as the conversation began.

"Good day to you sir." Said the wandering hippie.

"Good day." The stranger in a gray coat responded. "How about you tell me a story?"

"Very well." Said the hippie, hoping to practice his story telling techniques. "Once upon a time, in the land of Yolo…"

There was a kingdom of silver. The streets were silver, the bricks of the buildings were silver, all accessories were silver, and the table supplies were plastic due to a major lack of silverware.

This kingdom was ruled by the tyrant, Lord Swag. He was a hipster who sought to bring the power of the internet into the hands of hipsters. For the longest time, anarchy was what ruled the internet, and the people of Yolo liked it that way. But now, Lord Swag was enslaving the populous, converting any anarchists that were too p*ssy to die for the honor of Yolo, and executing everyone else. Everything Lord Swag did had to be ironic, which made owning his kingdom rather tricky. But luckily, all his hipster subjects received news on the latest ironic laws on there kindles. The Pureblood that had been on the side of Lord Swag to begin with wore only the latest in hipster fashion, while the converted hipsters wore fedoras, bow ties, hipster glasses, and could only drink coffee if it was from Starbucks.

Oh, and the friend of Lord Swag was using militia to kill conduits in the video game world, but nobody in Yolo cared since villains always lost unless they were the main character.

Little did these hipsters know, that deep underground was a hero who could bring the land of Yolo back into the hands of anarchy.

His name was known to none, but his title was known to all.

In there tongue, he is Dovahkiin…Dragon Born.

The dragon born had spent years of his life studying the ways of the voice, and learned of a shout that could stop Lord Swag in his tracks. The three words to the shout were all conveniently placed on top of Mt. Oxyclean, guarded by hipster memes, hipster ponies, and Mary Sue O.C's that were far too O.P.

But after countless random encounters that the author was too lazy to write about, the dragon born had found the sacred words carved into a tablet made entirely of detergent. The sacred words were…

NO

FUK

U

With these sacred words given the strength of the dragon born's voice, he could kill any hipster that he couldn't already kill with his Nord Hero Sword.

Looking behind the detergent tablet, hoping to find a treasure chest that contains any new quest items, he saw Billy Mays.

"HI BILLY MAYS HERE! DO YOU LIKE ADVENTURES, BUT HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO FAST TRAVEL? INTRODUCING THE NEW STEAD OF DEATH!" He said as he pointed to a pale, gothic looking horse that would probably slit it's wrists if it could, but also looked strong. "THIS HORSE CAN JUMP OFF OF CLIFFS AND STILL SURVIVE, AND BELIEVE ME HE'S TRIED! AND YOU CAN BUY THIS HORSE FOR A QUICKER WAY DOWN THE MOUNTAIN FOR ONLY 500 GOLD!"

The dragon born was interested, stroking his 5 o clock shadow in thought as he looked at the depressive horse. 500 Gold was definitely in his price range.

"BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! ORDER NOW, AND I'LL SHOW UP LATER IN YOUR ADVENTURES WHEN YOU NEED ME MOST. THAT'S THE BAD A$$ HORSE, AND A NEW PARTNER FOR FUTURE ENDEAVORS, AND A FREE OXYCLEAN SWORD YOU CAN LOOT FROM ME IF I DIE, ALL FOR THE LOW PRICE OF 500 GOLD!"

The dragon born was even more interested. Worst case scenario: Billy Mays dies and he'd get both a new sword, and his 500 gold back. He looked to the lower part of the screen to see what his options were.

- I'll buy it (Give 500 gold)

Vince could probably get me something better...

Who is best pony?

Deciding that the second choice would probably get him slapped, and the third option wasn't really relevant, he chose the first option, and bought the horse.

He then road down the mountain breaking the horses ankles on several occasions, but not caring since he was taking no damage on the way down. He also got to troll all the hipster enemies that would chase him since they were too slow. In the end, the horse's feels didn't matter, because the dragon born would put him out of his misery after he was done.

At the bottom of Mt. Oxyclean, after killing his horse and looting some horse meat from it, the dragon born headed to the silver gates of the city to kill Lord Swag. (If you didn't already know, the city was silver because gold was considered too mainstream for the hipsters.)

After using a complicated glitch to get past the gate, rather than taking a stupid side quest that he knew would not be entertaining, he found several hipster zombies were guarding the gates. One of them resembled Pewdiepie, so the dragon born assumed that he had recently played a game of Amnesia and had a game over, leaving his avatar to become a zombie.

First he used his shout. "NO FUK U!" He shouted as he killed all the zombies that were right in front of him, leaving only a few of them to his left and right. He pulled out a his Nord Hero Sword, and started swinging at the zombie hipsters. He paused every now and then to drink potions when his healing spell he kept in his left hand didn't heal him fast enough.

But the hipster zombies were too much, and he was running low on potions. He hadn't even gotten to the center of the city, and he was nearly dead. Maybe he should have taken that stupid side quest, he thought.

Suddenly, a hipster zombie's head exploded as it was hit by a bullet. Looking to the direction it came from, the Dragon born saw a man in a dashing tux, who clearly wasn't a hipster. It was James Bond, 007, who was undercover for the OSS trying to get info on the hipsters weaknesses. "LEEROOOOOOOOY JEEEEENKIIIIIINS!" He shouted in his attractive british accent as he ran into the battle without a plan, pulling all kinds of guns from his pockets and shooting random zombies. He even pulled an RPG out, which somehow managed to fit in his back pocket, and shot at a random Pureblood hipster, who clearly deserved it.

After all the zombies were killed, a cutscene started. "The name's Bond. James Bond, 007. I was sent here to find the hipster's weaknesses. I could have let them kill you, you know? What do you have to say for yourself?"

- (Kill him, a dragon born with guns will be unstoppable.)

Then why did you save me? (Persuade)

I'm going to kill Lord Swag. I have the sacred shout.

Has anyone told you you look dang fine in black? (Persuade)

Who is best pony?

While the 1st option was tempting, the dragon born had been without a partner since the beginning of this adventure, and was very lonely.

The 3rd option would end this conversation the fastest, but the dragon born would rather know why James Bond was helping him.

The 4th and 5th options were automatic no's. He didn't really care about James' opinion on best pony because he already knew it was Fluttershy. He also didn't want this to become a shipping fic, and didn't swing that way. Needless to say, he picked option 2.

James responded. "You obviously have confidence if you think you can survive here. I can tell you're after Lord Swag, and based on your fighting skills, you might stand a chance. My plan might work, but jumping into action without a plan is the way of Yolo, and I'm willing to help in whatever way I can."

The cutscene ended, and now they were running through the silver city that's name was still not mentioned in the story. But nobody cared because it was a hipster city, and probably had a lame name that didn't sound mainstream.

Many bullets were shot, and many zombies were left both decapitated, and very tired at the same time. The silver streets were being stained with blood as the Dragon Born and 007 made there way to the castle of Lord Swag. Though the Dragon Born wondered why he hadn't seen Billy Mays yet. Still, 007 was proving to be a worthy partner.

They'd finally made there way to the castle, and were almost to the gate to the stairway which lead to the castle. For some reason, the gate was open, but it was quickly closed shut as a loud roar was heard.

The dynamic duo looked to the top of the castle to see what had made the roar, and saw a huge humanoid looking creature with a drill for an arm, and a suit that looked like it was perfectly suited for deep sea diving. through its mask it looked at us, and saw a threat.

This beast known as the Big Daddy, was repurposed by Lord Swag to serve his master, rather than an innocent little girl who suffered genetic mutation and brain washing.

And for the record, the beast we're talking about looked like this.

Anyway, the Dragon Born and 007 pulled out their weapons and started attacking.

The Dragon Born knew he couldn't stop this creature, especially since it wasn't a hipster, and probably didn't even know what a hipster was. The Dragon Born couldn't use his strongest attack, and it looked like his normal weapons and spells wouldn't work either.

Even so, he and 007 did what they could as they waited for a new ally to arrive. 007 pulled out all the guns he could think of; AK 47's, RPG's, and even Super Soakers, but none of them did any good.

The dragon born summand all the beasts he could with his spells. He summand sharks, ghost sharks, zombie-cyborg-ghost-sharks-with-freeking-lazers-on -their-heads, but nothing worked, they all got drilled to bits by the Big Daddy.

Before either of these warriors could die however, a cutscene started, and a sword was thrown from the top of a building, cutting off the arm off the Big Daddy that didn't have a drill on it.

Looking at the sword, the Dragon Born saw that it was an Oxyclean brand sword. He and 007 looked at the building it came from to see Billy Mays. Bearing his as-seen-on-TV smile with his glorious ebony black beard, he jumped down and unfurled his formerly torn parachute. The parachute was obviously fixed with Mighty Mend It, the fast easy way to fix torn fabric.

He landed with the grace of a bird, ripping off his parachute, and readying his shout. "HI BILLY MAYS HERE!" Billy Mays was the only mortal in all of Yolo that could use a four worded Dragon Shout. And boy was it effective. The Big Daddy flew into the silver gate, knocking it down, and providing the Dragon Born and 007 an entrance to the castle. "GO! STOP YOLO AND- WAIT LET ME TRY THAT AGAIN." He said, wanting to make a reference instead. "FLY YOU FOOLS!" He shouted, urging the two to go after Lord Swag.

The two nodded, and ran up the silver stairs to Lord Swag's Castle. It was pink, because a castle that could be found in your worst nightmares was too mainstream.

After busting down the door like a couple of badass's "because no way in hell were they going to do something hipster like slowly open it." They saw the face of Lord Swag. It was none other than George W. Bush. "Hello boys." He said in his stupid Texan accent. "Care to vote me into office a third time?"

For the first time in this whole story, the Dragon Born spoke. "You are the worst criminal that the U.S. has ever known. You and your whole family of rich bastards. You've enslaved thousands here and on the internet by joining with SOPA, orchestrated an event called 911 to get foreign oil, and made certain that Barack Obama made a law keeping you from being punished. But I am beyond the law, and have three words to say in response to your foolish request."

He laughed. "And what might that be?"

The Dragon Born pulled a huge breath into his lungs. His chest was so full from the air, you can't help but wonder if he said FUS RO DAH in reverse before starting. If you looked at his lungs with a scouter, it would have a power level of over 9000.

"NO FUK U!" He said in a voice so thundering, no caps-lock could hope to describe it. It vaporized George, leaving nothing but a skeleton and a pair of bulging eyes. The pink castle shook to the thundering voice of the Dragon Born. But it was too much, even for him. He felt a part of his brain explode inside his head, and fell to the ground.

"Move it!" James Bond said, before ripping off his shirt to reveal the second most muscular figure in existence "second of course to Chuck Norris". He then started carrying the Dragon Born bridle style. He jumped out of the window right next to the entrance, because only badasses leave and enter a room by breaking something, and landed on the silver ground in front of the silver gates.

The people of Yolo took off their stupid hipster clothes, looking at the corpse that was once the Dragon Born. Ponies who had been kept in basement prisons for becoming mainstream had been freed. And Kindles were destroyed, being replaced with iPads, which were much better.

"He sacrificed himself to save us all." James Bond sadly said, too badass to cry.

"BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!" Billy Mays said. "I'LL MAKE A COFFIN WITH MY BEAR HANDS, ENGRAVE HIS NAME IN IT, AND BURY IT BENEATH THESE VERY STREETS!"

"You moron." James said. "He never told us his name."

"OH!" Billy Mays said, not even sure how to add a sales pitch to that.

"It doesn't matter." Said Miku Hatsune, who was clearly put into the story just to have a girl say something. This made the author wonder why he didn't choose someone who actually spoke English. "His name may never be engraved, but his actions will always be remembered."

8 years later…

"Because 8 is best number."

The city was now a beautiful gold. Radios played songs that went viral, but were still entertaining. Not like that one song Justine Bieber wrote, that song sucks. The city was now shared by all kinds of internet peeps, including ponies, hipsters, gamers, geeks, furries, basically all kinds of internet peeps lived here. Because in the end, Yolo is the very paragon of internet, representing anarchy, friendship, and questionable content that people tend to avoid.

In the center of this golden city, that was appropriately named "Gold City, the City of Gold", there were 3 tombstones, only one of them not having a name. On this tombstone lied the helmet worn by the Dragon Born, with a carving of his handsome face. Engraved below his face were the three words to the very shout that had saved Yolo. NO FUK U.

To this day, those who wish to respond to hipsters in an angry fashion do so by saying "NO FUK U."

The End~

…

"Thank you so much, your story has touched my very soul." Said the stranger to the young hippie.

"Thank you, writing fan fiction is a hobby of mine. And i think I will add this to my list of stories." He said, feeling proud of his improvisation.

"Well you're very good at writing." He praised. "And thinking on the spot."

"Thanks. Be sure to look this up sometime if you wanna read it again. I'm gonna call it, In the Land of Yolo"


End file.
